The moment is revealing, that she still thinks about her childhood stardom and the way she was perceived, and how that impacts the way she’s perceived now. “I don’t want to disappoint John, I don’t want him to think he signed some f*cking Disney kid,” she says, tearful, about Interscope head John Janick. In that same scene, she continues to pick herself apart, and shares an underlying fear: her past. Her Fears About Being Seen as a Disney Kid She describes the voices in her head that criticize everything about herself - she glances up at the screen version of herself and thinks, “Wow that looks pretty f*cking shitty.” The pressure of all of it “sucks the life out” of her and makes her not want to perform.
We see her pick apart her tour costumes, convinced everything looks bad. “I have no idea what the f*ck I’m doing,” Selena says, crying after finishing a run-through for her Revival tour.
A Crisis of Confidence at Revival Tour Rehearsal Because there’s always… Selena.” Cameras flash, paparazzi call out, news headlines overwhelm, and we’re reminded about the interior differences between Selena Gomez, the person, and Selena Gomez, the brand - and how the weight of the latter informs the well-being of the former. A voiceover begins, in which Selena promises to tell only her “darkest secrets.” Then, voiceover Selena reads a diary entry from December 19: “I have to stop living like this, why have I become so far from the light? Everything I ever wished for I’ve had and done all of it. Early on in the documentary, an exhausted Selena Gomez gets ready for work and rides in a car in Paris with her friend Raquelle, who urges her to take her “morning meds,” though she’s reluctant to do so.
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